Recently there’ve been a couple of times where a guy has tried to pick me up on the street and it started me thinking about annoying things that guys think/do. Now, I would like to preface this by saying that generally street pick ups don’t piss me off. They may annoy me and I never have actually given my number to any of these guys, but in general if they behave decently I don’t really feel harassed or anything and I assume they wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t successful sometimes. The reason these encounters usually annoy me is because I’m usually preoccupied with something (running late, a book, music, etc) and as an introvert I would much rather continue to be occupied with these things as opposed to engaging random people on the street, which is a pain worse than slamming your finger in a door. Anyway…
Pick up #1: I’m waiting for a bus and a guy comes up to me and is like “You have light eyes” and I really don’t know what to say to that (I think I just say thanks or something). Then he’s like “can I get your number” and I say “no thanks. I’m not interested”. Then he’s like “I can never get a light girl. You guys are stuck up”. And that’s when I went off. Usually, even when I don’t like something a stranger says, I just ignore them because I kinda don’t give a shit. But I draw the line at a guy who hits on me and then starts talking shit about me when I say I’m not interested in them. Maybe that’s because I think it points to a larger issue than just that particular person being a douche. So I say something along the lines of “why am I stuck up? Just because I’m not attracted to you? Just like you have the right to hit on me because you’re attracted to me, I have the right to not give you my number because I’m not attracted to you. Or am I suppose to just give my number to anyone who talks to me on the street. I don’t have a right to have my own taste in people, is that it?”. At that point he started free-styling (did I mention that he just kept interrupting our conversation to freestyle?). Then he said “I didn’t mean to say you cant have your type. I’m just saying I can never get a light skinned girl”. Hmm… maybe because you talk about getting light skinned girls the way a fisherman would talk about catching a rare fish? Out loud I said “maybe you should say something other than ‘you have light eyes. you have light eyes'”. And I said it in a really doofusy voice. Then he started free-styling again.
Seriously, though. It seems like a lot of guys who don’t seem generally nuts(like aforementioned guy) just don’t take into consideration the idea that a woman is a person with their own likes and dislikes that may or may not mesh well with what the guy wants. I’m not even just talking about a situation like the above. I’m talking about guys who are just really persistent with a girl that’s already rejected them. It doesn’t seem to occur to them that the woman just isn’t interested in them, in their heads it’s just a matter of them having to do x y and z, then they’ll get the girl. Or guys who end a relationship because they think they aren’t good enough for someone/haven’t accomplished the necessary things to be in the relationship. That all sounds nice and chivalrous, but it kinda dismisses the fact that women are grown ass people that can make they’re own decisions about what kind of partner they want. I feel like these people are operating on some Mario shit where they have to cross a fire bridge and beat Bowser and then they’ll get a woman. (And I’m not referring to people who want to get their shit together before they settle down, that to me is reasonable. I’m talking about people who would end any relationship, serious or not, because they feel they haven’t earned the woman prize.) Or how “friend zoning” is a thing that’s discussed a lot, usually in the context of a woman doing it to a man because she’s a manipulative bitch. First of all, ALL SEXES have been ” friend zoned” but the rest of us just call that shit having a crush on a friend because that’s what the fuck it is. Second of all, BEING NICE DOES NOT ENTITLE YOU TO VAGINA. I’m mad this actually needs to be explained, but if you’re being nice in order to get laid, then you’re not actually being nice. You’re the one being the manipulative bitch in the situation because you’re pretending to be something you’re not in order to get something you want. (an aside: I don’t know if me and my friends are weird, but we tend to be nice and go out of our way for each other with no ulterior motives. Some guys will do things like buy their female friend a gift for no reason and think that they’re being extra nice and think that the girl is leading them on for accepting this behavior without dating them. My friends and I, however, do that shit ALL THE TIME. I’m about to buy this soap from an e-tailer for my friend just because I know she’d love the scent. This same friend just bought our mutual friend’s daughter a jacket just because she thought it would be really cute [and that little girl is way more stylish than me, although that’s not saying much]. But none of us do this with a thought in our head about wanting the other person to do something for us in return.) So, yeah… not really understanding the idea that not being a selfish asshole entitles you to something.
Pick up #2: Now, I’ll admit that this guy wasn’t really a jerk, he just irked me. So, I’m coming home from a club and I’m on the train and this guy sits in front of me and is like “where’re you coming from?”
him: oh that’s where those gays hang out
me:… yeah…I guess?
him: I can’t be hangin with those gays. You know what I mean?
me: Not really. (thinking: I just told you I came from boystown so why would I be on board with your dislike of gay people?)
him: can I get your number?
…. I’ma need a little more awareness of what’s going on. And I feel like this goes back to the point I was making before about how some men don’t really factor in the fact that women are autonomous beings. I think in his head 1.he worked up the courage to talk to me and 2.I didn’t slap him, so now he gets my number, right? No…. I have my own personality and I have to actually like you to give you my number. With that in mind let’s take a closer look at that conversation from my perspective:
him: I hate your faggot friends, can I get your number?
Not to be an ass or anything but I feel like if you start talking to me the burden is on you to get me to like you. We already know you like me because you’re talking to me, so now let’s pretend to give a shit about how I feel. And no, just you talking to me is not enough to make me like you. I’m not that desperate for dick, sorry. At any rate, how can you think about even having casual sex with someone you can’t even do successful small talk with. Do you just run into the bedroom with your hands over your ears, sex, and then run out before anyone can say anything? How does that work? I’m not even asking for a love connection, just the ability to not bore the shit out of me/piss me off before we throw down. I understand that rejection is hard, but that doesn’t make me responsible for soothing your ego by pretending to be interested in you when I’m not.